Straight To Your Heart

I once read, a long time ago, before The Angel Princess died, that a kiss on the forehead goes straight to the heart. I thought I read it being to do with chakras, but when I tried to find something to link to in this post, I couldn’t find anything that suggested that. And so I must be mistaken. However, whatever I did read led to a tradition that I started with The Sunshine Princess that has, for as long as I can remember, been a part of our day.

Whenever I kiss her on the forehead, I tell her it goes straight to her heart. That it’s the type of kiss that can make her feel how much I love her, right on the inside. When I do it, she pats her chest, “I feel it mummy!! I feel it in my heart!”  It’s become a game, often she will kiss me, and tell me where she thinks the kiss has gone. She’ll kiss my nose and tell me it went to my toes (because they rhyme) or kiss my ears and tell me it’s a kiss for my brain. But my very favourite is when I’m grumpy, or she has noticed I’m sad and she comes to me.

“Bend down mummy. Now close your eyes” 

She’ll kiss my forehead gently. 

“Did you feel that mummy? It went straight to your heart”. 

In my favourite photo of myself with The Angel Princess, I am stroking her face. I kissed her forehead a million and one times hoping she would feel it in her heart, even though it wasn’t beating anymore. I once found The Sunshine Princess kissing a picture of her sister that I have in a frame.

“What are you doing sweetie?” I asked gently.

“Giving her kisses to her heart mummy”. She replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And maybe it is.

Every night before I go to bed, I go to each of the girls’ rooms and check on them. I fix their blankets and admire their innocent, sleepy abandon. Because sometimes the days are long and hard. Sometimes they fight and whine and nag all day. And sometimes being their mum all on my own is Really. Damn. Hard. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Sometimes my heart still feels incredibly broken, because I can’t kiss their sister anymore. So sometimes I need to kiss them, on their foreheads, warm and smooth and remember that their hearts are connected to mine. And remind myself that they are here. And they are so very, very precious. And even when it’s hard and I’m tired and beyond it, they need to feel the kind of love that goes straight to their heart. So every night, I kiss them. On their foreheads. And I whisper…

“Straight to your heart, baby girl, straight to your heart”