Two Point Five

Little Girl, lately, parenting you has been hard. Your big sister started school, and we’ve all adjusted quite well to the routine. I’m naturally a pragmatic and organised person, so packing lunches, making sure we don’t forget homework and home readers and library day and sports day and news day, has all come quite easily. Our mornings getting out the door on time have all been fairly smooth, and you love the walk to school to drop your sister off. The structure suits us as a family, your sister was well and truly ready for school, and I was really looking forward to spending some time with you alone. You’ve started a dancing class and swimming lessons, and we’ve spent time going for walks and to the park, as well as just playing together at home. 

And with all this, I’m sorry, my sweet girl, but you are driving me completely mental. You’re “twoness” is in full force. I loved the two’s with your sister, we engaged in similar activities and I absolutely adored her company. I really expected to find this time with you nourishing and soul replenishing, just like I had with your oldest sister. But you are just such a different person, and you challenge me daily. You are full of “no’s” and “I don’t want to!’s” and “I don’t like it ANYMORE!!”. All of these are accompanied by a loud “HUMMMPPHHH!!!”, a shoulder shrug and a pouted face. 

You don’t listen. You won’t hold my hand around cars. You argue with everything I ask you to do, including things you actually want to do. At the moment a standard conversation with you goes something like this:

You: I want my Milkies !!!

Me: let’s go and get your milk then

You: I don’t want my milkies!!!

It’s entirely exasperating!!! Constantly arguing with you is tiring, frustrating and is wearing me down, little girl.

You are so bright, your speech is excellent, and your skills of deduction are great. But your reasoning skills? They apparently don’t exist. Use of the word “no”?. You’re all over that. 

You have so much light in you, you radiate joy when you’re happy. You’re funny and sweet and incredibly empathetic and caring. You have the capacity to be a gorgeous, gentle, good natured little human. But you seem to save most of that for my partner, whom you worship. You will curl up on his lap, put your hands on his cheeks and turn his face to look into yours, your nose touching his, leaving him no choice but to look into your piercing blue eyes and fervently say “you see me?! You ok?! You need a cuddle?!”.

You make us laugh so often. Almost as often as you make me want to cry. 

You are truly the definition of a Rainbow Baby. You’ve brought me so much love, so much happiness, and an incredible amount of joy. But you have also brought a phenomenonally emotional roller coaster to my world. Carrying you was terrifying, birthing you was undeniable triumphant. Walking from the hospital with you alive in my arms was the most perfect thing I have ever done. And now, at 2.5, you evoke all those feelings in me daily. 
You love to tickle and play and hide, and love to tell us how funny you are. “I funny mummy!!”, you’ll say, “I’m a funny bunny!!”. 

Yes, baby girl you are. But do you think you could say “no!!” just a little less? 



18 Months 

The Rainbow Princess: 18 things I love about you. 

  1. I love how you smell when you wake up in the morning, sweet and sleepy, milky and warm. You smell like cuddles
  2. I love how you say “mama”
  3. I love watching you play with your baby, you’re so gentle and caring and it reminds me I’m doing a good job 
  4. I love you you how much your idolise your sister. I hope you grow up to be close 
  5. I love how much you treasure your Leo lion
  6. I love how excited you get when you see dogs. Squealing, laughing and pointing yelling “woof woof!!”
  7. I love your taste in music. Because you dance to all my favourite songs. You probably had very little choice, they got blasted at my belly when you were in utero, but still. 
  8. I love that if I am holding you on my hip, but not paying you attention, because I’m looking at my phone you put your hands on my face and turn me towards you. It’s a great reminder about what really matters 
  9. I love that you love my cousins, your second cousins, as much as I do. You love spending time with them and I am so grateful that they are nurturing their relationship with you
  10. I love how you run, with your arms tucked in like wings, head bent in determination
  11. I love how you wave goodbye 
  12. I love how you blow kisses 
  13. I love how you put your finger to your lips and say “sssssh” when I say it’s bedtime. 
  14. I love how much you love to eat, definitely makes life easier
  15. I love how you fall asleep in my arms at nap time 
  16. I love how you act out songs 
  17. I love how well you follow instructions 
  18. I love that you are mine and there will always be an infinite list of things I love about you. 

 30 Second Dance Parties 

Any Grey’s Anatomy fans? Meredith and Yang’s 30 second dance parties? Best. Idea. Ever.

I started this a few months ago with my girls. I was in a bright and shiny place and felt like dancing all the time. I was experiencing happiness like I hadn’t in a long time. The kind of happiness that make everything a little brighter, makes the sky seem bluer and makes music better. And so we started having Dance Parties.

I almost always have either my Pandora app or iPod playing when we’re at home, and so I chose a few particular songs, and made the rule that when they played, we would all stop what we were doing and dance for the duration of the song.

The first song we choose was  Running on Sunshine partly because it coincidentally came on Pandora one morning and exactly described how I feeling and made me dance in the kitchen at 5am, partly because it’s from Grey’s Anatomy and so inspired the idea, and partly because The Sunshine Princess loves that it’s about her. 

Over the next few weeks we added more songs, so that we would have at least 2 dance parties a day. I don’t orchestrate dance parties, I let them happen by random, with either Pandora or the iPod on shuffle. The girls caught on quickly and would come running when they heard the songs, knowing it was dancing time. The Sunshine’s favourite is Shake it Off, and we have choreographed simple moves to it that have now been used so many times that The Rainbow performs them even if I just sing her the words. 

The Rainbow doesn’t watch TV or listen to any kids bands, but She Way Out by The 1975 has her busting out wicked grooves. Today I was in the shower with the iPod playing and she came running to show me her dancing to Avicii. The look of pure joy on her face made my heart burst.

The Sunshine Princess calls George Morgan’s You Say “the jumping song” because it’s the kind of song that just begs to be jumped too. 

Now the situation has changed, life is a little more complicated again, I’m feeling a little more dark and twisty but we are still doing dance parties. They always seem to happen right when I need them too, just when everything is getting a little too much, when there’s too much noise in my head and I need to take a step back. Dance parties always make me smile. I drop what I’m doing, and smile at babies. They love it and I love. It ensures that no matter what, there’s moments in my days of genuine connection with the people who are my whole world. They are the constant, through the bright and shiny times and the dark and twisty times, they are going to be the constant foundation on which I need to build myself. 

This is the kind of mother I want to be. This is what I want my girls to remember. I want them to remember our uninhibited, dancing abandon. Dancing in our pyjamas in the kitchen. Stopping everything because nothing is better than holding hands and jumping for no reason. I want them to grow up knowing that in the good times we can dance to celebrate, and in the hard times we can dance just to remember that bad times don’t last forever. I want them to know how important it is to just be. Forget everything. And have a 30 Second Dance Party. 

17 Months

My little Rainbow Princess! I am so sorry I haven’t written for you in so long! It’s been a huge 4 months for us with my and daddy’s separation, and the blog has been proper neglected.

The last time I wrote for you you were 13 months old and so much has changed, I hardly know where to start!

At 17 months you are in full blown Hurricane Toddler mode. You are a right little handful! You’ve been an adventurous climber for a long time now and nothing is safe! The chairs all have to be left well away from the table so you don’t climb up, the flip side of this however is that you can drag the chairs and get up anyway. You are a little princess of destruction, every toy box, every shelf, every draw, are tipped out, pulled out and strewn across the house, every day. Picking up after you is a full time job in itself!
The kitchen bin hasn’t been safe for a long time and has taken permanent residency on the bench, much to my dismay. You don’t stop moving, and the ensuring that every inch of the floor is covered in toys, clothes and stuffed teddies is your daily personal vendetta against me. It’s ok though, I’m sure one day I’ll be able to walk through the house without it seeming like a minefield.

You are a busy little bee my sweet girl, you’re always playing with something or trotting about the house, a look of in-depth thought on your face. You are quite happy to play independently for good long amounts of time, and that really does make life easier for mummy.

You are an excellent conversationist, and although I can’t understand a word you are saying, I love our little chats. Your favourite words are mum, dad, bear, Leo (the lion your companion teddy) and no. You babble all day long, but the intense conversations you have with your daddy on the phone are by far the cutest to witness.

Your verbal comprehension is excellent, you understand so much of what is being said to you, and respond appropriately and it amazes me. You are quite good at non verbally communicating what you want or need as well. You will walk to the sink holding your cup to ask for a drink of water, or lay down on your nappy for a nappy change. You like to do things for yourself, as always, especially washing yourself, with a face-washer after meals, or rubbing the soap bubbles on in the bath.

You love to play in the backyard on the deck, and in the splash pool. Pouring water over the grass keeps you entertained for fabulous amounts of time, so I often find myself sending you outside when I need to get something done at home. You have loved the trampoline for a long time now, and can easily get yourself on and off using the slide we have against it. You have excellent gross motor coordination, and the gymnast in me was superbly impressed with your 2 foot bouncing at 14 months. (Don’t tell the very athletic Sunshine Princess, but even she couldn’t do that at that age, so well done baby girl!)

You are loving playing with dolls at the moment, cuddling them, giving them bottles and food, and changing their nappies. Stacking, building blocks and any kind or sorting sorting also keep you busy, you are really into categorising things at the moment, like bringing me all the thongs from the shoe box, or putting allof the pairs together.

Action songs are a big hit at the moment, and it is super cute watching you copy and act out the songs, especially your favourite “The Old Grey Cat”, although sometimes I feel like I’m on repeat all day.

For the better part of the last 6 weeks or so you have been sleeping through 11-12 hours straight most nights, without waking, which has been a more than welcome change to your usual night wakings. Your day nap is usually 2 hours, but if you wake too late in the day, or if you sleep too long you have trouble falling asleep at bedtime. You definitely don’t fall asleep as easily as The Sunshine Princess, but you often put yourself to sleep at nighttime now too. The rest of the time we bounce, although it’s getting hard as you get bigger, 9kgs doesn’t sound like much, until you’ve tried holding it on one arm for half an hour on a fit ball!

You are still breastfeeding, just once a day before bed, although you happily go to bed without it when you’re with your daddy. I’ve spent 4 whole nights away from you now, the first two times I put you to bed and then left, and daddy slept over with you, the next two, a few weeks later, daddy had you the whole time. It was incredibly difficult to be away from you, I miss you so much, and it’s difficult to let go, but I know you are in excellent hands, and coming home to you after some time on my own feels spectacularly rewarding.

You have learnt to throw some outstanding tantrums. Which is age appropriate and normal, but yours can be fairly extreme, and difficult to contain. You have gotten into the terrifying habit of slamming your head on the ground when you are angry or frustrated, and then you end up screaming because you’ve hurt yourself. We had about 2 weeks where it was particularly bad, but I’ll admit I wasn’t very available to your emotional needs at that time, and since things have gotten better for me, the frequency and intensity of the tantrums have significantly decreased. It’s been a startling reminder of exactly how much my mood and emotional well being affects yours. I’m relieved to say that things are definitely improving though, for all of us.

You are becoming more bossy, possessive and headstrong, much like your big sister (and your mummy, if we’re being really honest) so there can sometimes be a lot of tension in the house. This is where I tell you that you, my little friend, have taken to pushing, biting and hitting to get what you want, and I am not impressed. It has also seems to have lessened over the last week or so, but I cannot wait until this phase is over, or when my reprimands have a little more effect. Bullying is not on little lady. Not on at all.

You are starting to really trust in the adults around you, and willingly accept, and even seek, comfort from people other than me. Your godmother babysat you a few weeks ago and had you in bed with no problems. You played up a little more for my cousin the following week, but overall, you are pretty accepting of the people who are caring for you more regularly now.

You are growing so fast baby girl, I’ve missed documenting your changes month to month and will hopefully be a little more on my game in the New Year. I love you so so SO very much Rainbow Princess.

13 Months

It seems like only yesterday that I sat down to write your 12 month post, but here we are at 13 months already my lovely little Rainbow Princess.

We celebrated your birthday 2 weeks after it, when daddy was home from work. We had a fabulous afternoon party at a local hall, rainbow themed of course! You’re excellent godmother made you a beautiful rainbow layered cake, and for someone who just earlier texted me that she set baking paper on fire in the oven, this was quite an achievement. I pretended to help just so I can tell you I made your first cake, but really all I did was mix the colours into the batter. Your great grandparents made a long trip to attend, and you paternal grandfather came from interstate to meet you for the first time. it was a really special afternoon, only dampened by the fact that you, and quite a few of our expected guests were unwell. You were actually very sick, the sickest you’ve been in your short life, with a lung infection and ear infection, but you coped really well and looked delightful in your rainbow tutu. I have made some really amazing new friends because of you my precious girl, so thank you; thank you for all the love and light you have brought us, that was all particularly obvious that afternoon.

I love documenting you each month, and wish I started it sooner, because it makes me really pay attention to the new things you are doing, and this month there was quite a few. Although you don’t have a lot of words yet, you are really quite communicative and it’s very apparent that you understand a lot of what I am saying to you, and you respond appropriately. You are very interested in interacting with us this month, you’ve started giving high fives, and blowing kisses, nodding yes, shaking your head no. You bring me books you want to read and tap my legs, and clamber happily onto my lap when I oblige and sit down to read with you. When you want a toy or a drink that is out of reach you will find me, take my hand and lead me to it and then point and nod. You often bring me a container from the pantry, indicating what you’d like me to give you to eat (see, you don’t need a snack schedule, you remind me to feed you all the time!) You are so used to your daily routines that you can infer what you need to do from what I say to you, like running to your highchair and trying to climb in when I say its meal time, or heading to the bathroom after dinner for you bath (or running away and hiding when I say it’s time to change your nappy or get dressed). The comment “you’re so clever!” usually elicits a proud clap for yourself, as if to say, “why yes I am!”

You love to put on necklaces, and get really upset if we try to take them off you, but you are always very sharing and will find a spare to put on me. Almost always at home you have a long chain of dress up pearls on. At first I though The Sunshine Princess must have been putting them on you, until she corrected me and I saw you doing it yourself. You love to brush your hair too.

You are starting to sort your shape blocks into the container now, its still in the rudimental phases, but you are on your way. you also love taking lids off and trying to put them back on containers. The climbing has gotten worse, if you can climb it you will. At least now you’ve learnt to get back down by yourself. And you’ve not had too many big falls yet. now I just need you to realize that the slides at the park are for down, not up. Although you did give it a good try.

You love to hold my hand and lead me places, or bring me objects you have found for me to examine. The world must be so fascinating when everything is new. Its my honour that I’m the one you want to walk beside you, and I will enjoy it as long as it lasts, and try to not let my enthusiasm for your treasures fade, even if the thirtieth stick you show me looks exactly like the first.

You’re still a good eater, you went through a phase this month where you thought that anything with Caesar dressing on it was just the absolute best. Other favourites are Chia mountain bread, frozen berries and yoghurt.

Sleepwise most of this month was pretty uneventful. You slept poorly when you were sick, as to be expected, but more nights were better than they have been before, down to 1-2 wakes a night, with just one breastfeed. last month you were still having 2-3 over night, so this is a huge change for you. You are down to one day sleep now, usually a long one in the middle of the day, but some days you are happy with a short sleep. I’ll give it to you kid, you don’t love sleep as much as I wish you did, but you sure cope well without it. It’s another way you are very different to your big sister, at the same age she would have been a mess on the amount of sleep you have some days, but you have far less trouble with it then she did. Maybe it comes from being the little sister, always having to fit in with everything else going on, but you are definitely going to be one who drops the day sleep altogether early . Because I no longer need to spend the first few hours of the night resettling you every half an hour, I have *finally* enrolled in a certificate IV course I became interested in when you were born. It’s exciting but it also reminds me that I no longer have a new baby who needs nearly all of my focus, and that’s a little sad.

You went into toddler size nappies in the day this month (you’ve been wearing them overnight for awhile) and you’re in virtually all size 0 clothing now. There’s still a few 00’s that fit you, but it’s getting to that time again where I need to go through your wardrobe and pack things away.

You said your biggest sister’s nickname (her real name is much harder for you to say, she herself didn’t pronounce it properly until she was over 2) for the first time this month, she was ecstatic. You and her fight sometimes, usually there is snatching and yelling involved, but for the most part you have a really beautiful bond and it melts my heart to watch you together.

You all time favorite things this month are:

  • making indian noises with your hand over your mouth in the car- it makes car rides that much more enjoyable to listen to your noises followed by your proud giggle
  • your yellow ducky book- you’ve learnt to sign duck, which is adorable. Reading the 4 page book 1000 times a day, less adorable.
  • dogs- you and dogs, this has been an ongoing obsession. You love them and make an awful lot of noise when you see them, and chase them with reckless abandon, but are stunned when they actually turn to greet you
  • the bath time frog song. About a week ago I used your squeezy frog to sing you a frog song, and the container to pour “rain” over him. The very next night, and every night since, as soon as I put you in the bath you search out Mr Frog and the container and bang them on the side of the bath until I take them and perform the song for you. I am a brilliant horrible, albeit enthusiastic, singer

You have had rosy, dry cheeks most of this month, because you darling, are the world’s. slowest. teether. Your third tooth came through a few days after your birthday, and the one next to it looked like it wasn’t far behind, but we are still waiting for it to crack the gums. You’ve been pretty good about it, but sometimes you rub your mouth as you’re trying to sleep and I can tell it bothers you. I hope a bunch more make an appearance for you soon.

At 13 months you are cheeky, smiley, communicative, attentive and affectionate. You are becoming a fabulous little toddler, remnants of babyhood are fading away quickly. You are sweet, you are funny and you make me proud. You are thriving sweetheart. I love you.


Happy Birthday Rainbow Princess!!! You are 1 already!! Your first year has flown by in a blur of giggles, tummy tickles, sleepless nights, baby food making, peek a boo, and cuddles…. So many cuddles. It’s so hard to believe your first year is over, it’s been magical to see how much you’ve grown; my heart still explodes whenever I look at you.

In terms of development this month has been a little slower than last month, you’re settling into all your new skills, and fine tuning things you could already do. You’re babbling more, and using your voice to really get what you want, your big sister is the victim who most gives into your squeals, she can no longer take something off you or placate you with a distraction, your high pitched scream stops her in her tracks and she usually hands over whatever you are asking for.

You’ve started climbing, and moving things so you can climb, like moving your drum to the couch so you can climb onto it, or using your sister’s step to climb into the bath tub. You haven’t worked out that you need to turn backwards to go downstairs, probably because we don’t have any for you to practise on, so you get yourself stuck. And cry until I come and help you. Silly girl.

You’ve become attached to a little purple dog you were given at birth, aptly named Violet (the middle name we nearly gave you) and you like to carry it around the house and take it to bed with you too. You drag her along behind you and give her lots of cuddles and it’s all very very adorable. But to be honest, it’s probably the worst comforter you could have chosen! It has a battery pack which makes it hard, so if you are cuddling it when I try to lay you in your cot it can get in the way and be awkward. It also means it can’t be washed, and it’s already filthy. It’s also a toy that has been discontinued, so if we lose it, I can’t replace it and we are in big trouble. I don’t have the heart to take it off you, but I’m secretly hoping you take a liking to one of your hundred of other stuffed toys.

You’ve learnt to feed yourself with a spoon, and with a fork if I put the food on the end for you, you’re such a clever girl. You are working towards spearing the food with a fork yourself, but you’re just not quite there yet.

This month I gave in (to myself) and put baby locks on the kitchen and bathroom draws. I never baby proofed with The Sunshine Princess, I quite righteously believed that children should not be locked out of things and their environment should be safe for them to explore, and to pull out what they like, it’s all learning, after all. But day after day you emptied every draw in the kitchen and bathroom, and it would take me literally an hour to pack the house up each night after you were in bed. Between The Sunshine’s toys, games and craft, your baby and toddler toys, and the entire contents of my kitchen and bathroom, the house perpetually looked as though it had been ransacked. I don’t mind kid mess, and my house is clean, but this drove me insane. And so, I’m sorry sweetheart, but you’ve been looked out of the cupboards and draws. You were not very impressed when you first discovered this, and you still occasionally wander in to check if you can magically open the draw again, but for the most part it’s just forced you to pay more attention to your toys and books. And I’m a lot happier not having to put all the zip lock bags back in their box every single night just to try to get into the kitchen.

You like to try and dress yourself, picking up your tops and sticking them on your head. You also help by pushing your hands through your sleeves, or you legs into the pants. You’re even better at getting undressed, and it’s very cute watching you pull you legs out of your pants at bath time, taking a tentative balanced step to wiggle your toes out.

You are getting very brave when it comes to exploring, too brave even. You are more than happy to run along at the park to chase the big kids or find sticks and rocks to eat, or dogs and birds to harass. You are very quick and I forget that you can get as far away from me as you can, as quickly as you can. You certainly keep me busy little one. But I’m so very proud of this adventurous, independent little person you are becoming, and it reassures me that rocking you, breast feeding you and wearing you has not stifled your autonomy.

You are not exactly shy, but you do not liked to be picked up by other people. You will play with my friends once you have decided to go to them, but it has to be on your terms. Your favourite adults aside from myself and daddy are your wonderful godmother and an amazing mum from our mothers group. They adore you and you love playing with them. It’s mummy you want when you need comfort though.

You are intrigued by your play mates now, and recognise and enjoy being with the ones you see regularly. I envisage you getting into a lot of mischief with your little friends over the next year.

So Happy Birthday, my sweet sweet girl. I love you so very very much. I love that way you smell all fresh and clean after your bath, I love the way you giggle when I kiss your toes, I love your sleepy milk breath and they way you flop like a rag doll onto my chest after a night feed, sleepy, warm and relaxed, snuggled under my chin. I love the way you chase your sister, the way you stamp your feet when you’re excited, and the way you flap your arms when your frustrated. You make me smile every single day my precious one year old.

11 Months

Well my sweet little Rainbow Princess, your very first year is drawing to an end. This was the month your babyhood ended, and your toddlerhood began. Seemingly over night, my quiet, placid baby has been replaced by an exploring, adventurous, walking, talking, noisy toddler. But you are still every bit as wonderful and I love watching you as the person you are going to be emerges.

It didn’t take long after you first steps at the very end of your 9th month for you to be well and truly off and toddling. By 10.5 months you could move from sitting or crawling to standing up by yourself without needing to use a toy or furniture to pull yourself up on, and you could not just walk across the room, but from one end of the house to the other. It’s strange, and unbelievably cute that someone as small as you is walking, and I’ve been fielding compliments from strangers all month, at the park, the play centre, the shopping centre, so many that I feel I should hang a little sign on you shirt that says,
“Yes I am cute, yes I am tiny, and yes I walked at only 10.5 months”.

Part of me is super proud of you, I didn’t expect you to become a toddler so soon, when you have taken longer to master most things than your biggest sister, who walked at 12.5 months, but part of me is sad to see your babyhood over so early , and the kindergym teacher in me is wishing you crawled longer, it has so many amazing benefits for your coordination skills. So instead we have been playing crawling games with you, you like to crawl behind the curtains, you love to chase The Sunshine Princess if she crawls with you, and I think I might get you a tunnel to crawl through too.

I had you pegged as my late bloomer, which I was quite content with, but this month you’ve not just come out of your shell, you’ve smashed out. I am amazed by how much you have learnt and changed this month and how differently you interact with me, your sister and others, and how you manage and play with your toys. This month you’ve realised that you are completely separate to me and you have absolute autonomy over the control of your body (which is why you hate having your nappy changed and getting dressed so much). But you also know that I am the same as you, you use your hairbrush to brush my hair, like I do to yours, and put your food in my mouth. You pick up my socks and try to put them on your feet, and touch your shoes to my feet (if only I could wear shoes so ridiculously cute). You’re still obsessed with in and out, putting toys in and out of boxes, pulling things out of the draw and putting them back in, and you’re understanding how to make the toys work. You hit your xylophone with the stick now, instead of just bashing it with your hand. You pick up toys and use them as phones, babbling away as you hold them to your ear. You copy the “twinkle twinkle” part of the song when I sing to you, waving your hands above your head. You can now turn the pages of a book individually, with purpose, rather than just several at a time with an arbitrary grab.

You’re choosing favourite songs now, lighting up and dancing when your song of choice is played. At the moment you are enjoying the Frozen soundtrack, although that could just be self preservation, as you hear it at least several hundred times a week, The Sunshine Princess knows how to play them on my phone. Yes, the joys of having a four year old big sister.

You are a fabulous eater, a little pro at feeding yourself because you’ve always done it, and when I try to think of a food you don’t like I come up blank. Favourites include muesli based cereal, and raisin toast with cinnamon. Something you do have in common with your biggest sister is the ability to eat ungodly amounts of food, and remain tiny.

Your babbling has gained momentum this month too, suddenly you are talking non stop, your favourite words are mum, dad, yeh and bum. That’s right. Bum. Another advantage of having a big sister who has just hit the potty humour phase. Oh my darling children, you make me so proud.

This month has had some really hard moments, for a little while your sleep was hugely disrupted as your little brain adjusted to your new walking skills. My normal affirmations of “this too shall pass” and “she’s just a baby” didn’t help much this month as I sat with you, awake for hours in the middle of the night, relentlessly, for nights on end. What did help was the support of my amazing mothers group, a group of very kind and understanding ladies, who are quick to offer help and empathy without judgement. Your sleep has never been much of a problem for me, I’ve been content waiting for you to grow into longer stretches of sleep, and learning to settle without assistance, but it was definitely hard this month, with you resisting my efforts to help you settle, but screaming if left alone. As the month went on, things calmed down, and now, have improved so much that I can look back on this month and find it validating, for my attempts to parent you gently. “Don’t babywear so much” they said, “she’ll never walk!” As I watch you toddle across the play centre, I’m so glad I didn’t listen. “Don’t rock her to sleep, she’ll never fall asleep alone” they said, but this month you learnt to do just that. At times it wasn’t easy, and this month has been emotionally hard for me to let go, as you rebuked my efforts to be comforted to sleep, but now, at 11 months old you are falling asleep on your own at bedtime, and most nights waking just twice, once for a cuddle and once for a breast feed. Such a big step in such a short amount of time, you’ve been cuddled, rocked, bounced or fed to sleep your whole life, and you’ve adjusted well and quickly to falling asleep in your cot, at first with me beside you, and now on your own. I wasn’t expecting you to be ready for that so soon, and it’s a little bit sad in some ways. Some nights you need me to help you, and I enjoy the extra cuddles.

At the end of this month was another huge milestone, mummy left you with a friend for the very first time. I’ve spent time apart from you before, when your daddy is home he often watches you and your sister while I sleep, but this was the first time I actually left the building, that you were far enough away from me that I couldn’t immediately comfort you if you got distressed. Mummy needed to go to the dentist, and one of the beautiful mothers in our mothers group, who you adore, offered to watch you. You waved goodbye to me as I left and happily played for the 1.5 hours I was gone without crying once. I’m so proud of you baby girl, you are growing up way too fast.

Next month will be your first birthday, and we are celebrating with a party, rainbow themed of course. I love you so much my Rainbow Princess, here’s to a wonderful toddlerhood- it’s unbelievable to me how quickly you are growing up.